New York vs. New York vs. New York (Special Scotspocalypse Bonus Edition!)

We know our loyal Scottish readers can’t stop thinking about tomorrow’s Independence Vote, so we’re back with a special mini mid-week NEW YORK (-er) vs. NEW YORK (magazine) vs. NEW YORK (times)!

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SUPER-TIMELY SCOTSPOCALYPSE EDITION!

THE NEW YORKER has pretty much everything you need to know:

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Question: Is it true an independent Scotland would be free to relocate to the Bahamas?

But in case you’re not fully convinced you should vote Yes (I mean, unless you should vote No), THE NEW YORK TIMES has some choice words for you:

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Pictured: What you’re picturing Alex Salmond looks like. Admit it.

Consider yourself fully informed, you savvy Scottish voter you!

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Ed. Note:  New York Magazine didn’t really post anything about Scotland this week. They were too busy covering gold fish brain surgery.

New York vs. New York vs. New York (IKEA Survival Edition)

Recovering from an morning afternoon entire day adventure at everyone’s favorite Swedish furniture depot? Wishing you had gone into Småland and never come out? Pining over the missed lingonberry opportunities?

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Well get ready, because this special IKEA Survival Edition of NEW YORK (-er) vs. NEW YORK (magazine) vs. NEW YORK (times)is in stock and the meatballs are hot. Let’s dig on in, shall we?

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Chris Translates Facebook (so you don’t have to):

Hi Chris - We just want to make sure this stupid thing you’re posting is going to the right audience. Public means it will haunt you for the rest of your life.
Are you sure you want anyone to see this post?

Chris Translates Facebook (so you don’t have to):

Hi Chris - We just want to make sure this stupid thing you’re posting is going to the right audience. Public means it will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Are you sure you want anyone to see this post?

It’s “Back to School” season here at ABHEST, which means it’s the perfect time for another installment of our ongoing educational series SONGS YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE SEX TO.

Anything By Coldplay
Artist:  Coldplay
Album:  Parachutes, A Rush of Blood to the Head, X&Y, Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends, Mylo Xyloto, Ghost Stories
Year:  2000-Present

This should go without saying, yet somehow at the beginning of every “Back to School” season it must be said.

This has been SONGS YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE SEX TO.

New York vs. New York vs. New York (Labor Daze Edition)

Pick up that Fire-Island-Themed beverage dear readers and check out this week’s big news: There’s a truce in Gaza that might last for more than like 3 days!

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Look at how low our bar for “success” has fallen!

Oh but Russia maybe wants to start World War III or something.

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Pictured: How Ukraine feels right now.

I guess we can call that a wash?

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Pictured: New default attitude to all news.

Compared to the rest of August this week was practically jammed-packed with good(-ish) news–– and just in time for your holiday weekend! Let us pre-digest it all for you in our favorite little column: NEW YORK (-er) vs. NEW YORK (magazine) vs. NEW YORK (times)!

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New York vs. New York vs. New York (vs. Puppies!!!! Edition)

Ready to start the week, but only after you look at 6 more cute puppy gifs?

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YOU’RE IN LUCK!

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Get ready for a special edition of NEW YORK (-er) vs. NEW YORK (magazine) vs. NEW YORK (times) vs PUPPIES!!!! (Because why not, guys?)

First up in THE NEW YORKER:

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Marqués de Cáceres White Wine
($5.99 at Warehouse Wine & Spirits, 735 Broadway)

Have you been eagerly following the new Halle Berry summer series EXTANTOf course you haven’t because it’s about alien babies and space ghosts (and sadly not Space Ghost).

Fig. 1:

Look at our clever title card, guys!

Fig. 2:

Look at how young David Cross and Bob Odenkirk are!

Also Extant is yet another Steven Spielberg-backed project with a robot boy. Just tell us Steven: WHAT IS WITH ALL THE ROBOT BOYS?

Fig. 1:

A.I. (2001)

Fig. 2:

Extant (2014)

Anyway, I made the mistake metatheatrical choice of trying to review this surprisingly tasty Marqués de Cáceres while watching an unsurprisingly bad episode of this show. And definitely don’t tune in for the special 2-hour Extant event tonight at 9 on CBS (unless you’ve got a bottle of Marqués de Cáceres at the ready).

IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: If you haven’t listened to last week’s all new ABCAST you’re missing out on a “zesty” and “persistent” 33 minutes that “pairs well with both making AND eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.” (*Emphasis added, but definitely implied.)

IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: If you haven’t listened to last week’s all new ABCAST you’re missing out on a “zesty” and “persistent” 33 minutes that “pairs well with both making AND eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.” (*Emphasis added, but definitely implied.)