iamchrisbarlow:

Restoring my phone at a bar and officially taking bets on what will die first: its battery or my liver.

iamchrisbarlow:

Restoring my phone at a bar and officially taking bets on what will die first: its battery or my liver.

New York vs. New York vs. New York (WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE! Edition)

Do you feel like you’re drowning in the torrential downpour of bad/sad/terrifying news flooding in from all over the world this week?

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Well don’t worry (except for all those things you should worry about), because we’re here to help you understand it all in our weekly column NEW YORK (-er) vs. NEW YORK (magazine) vs. NEW YORK (times).

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Extra-Special WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE! Edition

Terrifying Story #1: Ukraine vs. Russia vs. Malaysia Airlines Flight 17

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You’re right, Ron. I don’t want to look either. Let’s move on.

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We never formally responded to their offer to inflict maximum pain on hundreds of thousands of Long Island schoolchildren who would be stuck in the traffic nightmare.

Adam Lisberg, MTA Spokesman and master of subtlety, discussing the Authority’s response to the LIRR Union’s offer to delay a strike until September (via @nytimes)

New York vs. New York vs. New York (Germany vs. Argentina Edition!)

Feeling pumped for today’s World Cup Final between Argentina and Germany?  Still on the fence about whether you should root for Deutschland or Argentina?  Not sure if you actually understand how soccer works at all?  (Psst check out this!)

Catch up on a little bit of this week’s news while you try to sort it all out in this week’s NEW YORK (-er) vs. NEW YORK (magazine) vs. NEW YORK (times)!

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Kick off your weekend with the first installment of our educational new series SONGS YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE SEX TO.

"Color of the Fire"
Artist:  Boards of Canada
Album:  Music Has the Right to Children
Year:  1998

No, playing Intelligent Dance Music will not make you seem more interesting. But it will make you seem really creepy when the little children start saying “I love you.”

This has been SONGS YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE SEX TO.

Update from @iamchrisbarlow in his new digs North of the Wall: Greetings from the special ring of Hell reserved for Time Warner Cable customers!

Update from @iamchrisbarlow in his new digs North of the Wall: Greetings from the special ring of Hell reserved for Time Warner Cable customers!

New York vs. New York vs. New York (Freedom Means Old Men Telling You What To Do With Your Body Edition!)

Still recovering from BBQ overload you savvy, stuffed New Yorker you? Well take a load off and join us for the triumphant return of America’s No. 1 symbol of Independence: NEW YORK (-er) vs. NEW YORK (magazine) vs. NEW YORK (times)!

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We’re So Free We Skipped a Week Edition!

First up, in another week of THE NEW YORKER where I accidentally only read things that are behind the pay-wall:

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Next up, in NEW YORK MAGAZINE:

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iamchrisbarlow:

BREAKING NEWS: Daniel Radcliffe spotted walking fearsome pack of beasts.

New York really is magical, guys. (Just don’t ask Kate why— she never finished the series.)

iamchrisbarlow:

BREAKING NEWS: Daniel Radcliffe spotted walking fearsome pack of beasts.

New York really is magical, guys. (Just don’t ask Kate why— she never finished the series.)